Moving

Dear My Lovely Readers,

As sad as I am to say this, I must: I am leaving Blogger and joining ranks at Tumblr. You can now read any new and old blogs at http://keepyourfootonthegas.tumblr.com/. Don't worry, you'll be able to read all of your old favorites along with any new adventures I have. I am sorry for leaving you like this, but Tumblr is just easier to navigate and post on. So, don't forget, http://keepyourfootonthegas.tumblr.com/.

Love, mk

A Classic Fork-in-the-Road

A lot of people have asked me why I switched from psychology to art. I'm not going to lie, it is a big switch, and it wasn't an easy. Most of the time, I just answer that I have more a love for art, or it's easier, or I want to impact people in a different way. They're all true, aside for the fact that it's easier. I find my art classes take up more of my time and I can't just BS it, it all has to be true and real. But it's not the reason.

Do you want to know the real reason why I wanted to switch? Why I abandoned the plan that would have me graduating this December? Why I still watch certain shows with extreme passion because I know that that could have been me? One day, I woke up. I had my then boyfriends arms around me while he's sleeping soundly, our kittens curled up at our feet, the sunshine coming through the window. Life was perfect and happy; it was blissful. I got to thinking how I wanted to be a criminal profiler. Yeah, I wanted to chase after the craziest of crazies. Then I thought of all of the statistics I've learned about those people. Divorced or no marriage, children abandon them as soon as they can, and they die alone. It was a morbid thought that brought my very blissful morning to a halt.

I was going to die alone. That was the last thing that I have ever wanted. I always wanted to be the soccer mom, have the house that all the kids wanted to come to, have a sweet husband who brought me flowers randomly because he wanted to. I guess you can say I wanted the American Dream: 2.5 kids, white picket fence, 2 income family, and retire in Bora Bora nice and happy. Okay, yeah, that last part isn't part of the American Dream, but it is part of mine. I realized after about 45 minutes of thinking that to have one dream, I have to give up the other.

I had to figure out what dream was more important. It wasn't easy, there were, and still are, pros to both. I could go and catch the sick bastards that commit these horrendous crimes. It would also provide me with the capabilities to read people so if I lasted in a family long enough to see my daughters first boyfriend, I could know his true intentions, along with other people in my life. I would be making the would better for everyone else, while slowly self-destructing my own. Or, there's the other side. I could have the dream that I had been having for 19 years (because I was 19 at the time). To have a dream for 19 years is a long time. I wasn't about to see it get away. And that is why I changed my mind.

Tracy Anderson is My Hero

So today is my second day of restarting my Tracy Anderson workout and I remember why I liked it so much the first time. I don't know what it is about this routine, but it really does make me feel so positive before, during and after. I get excited right before I workout. I'll turn on the DVD for about 20 minutes before and listen to the music and it gets me so pumped up. During the workout, I feel the muscles it's working, and they're all muscles that I want worked, and it makes me want to push harder to get the results I want. And afterwards, I know that I did such a great thing for myself, that it makes me want more.

The first time I did this, about two months ago, I could only do 10 reps the first couple days. This time, I was able to do 20 and I think tomorrow I'm going to try 30, or at least 25. Some of them really do kill me, but I know that the more I sweat, and the more I push through, the more results I'm going to see. I can already feel my abs, underneath some fat, start to firm up. And I know that with the cardio workouts, the fat is going to melt away. I think tomorrow I should be able to do both cardios, and not just one. I'm so happy that I'm already making progress with it and I hope that it works. If anything, it's a confidence booster.

I really believe in the Tracy Anderson workouts and I suggest them to everyone that wants to get in shape. Reading her book really helped me feel good about starting, and even though I'm not doing her eating regiment, I love it. This is really going to shape the new me, literally.

The Next Chapter

I've never been "the skinny girl" or even the average weight. It's never really bothered me. Yeah, sometimes it hurt when I was shopping and the store didn't have my size, or when someone would make a comment about it. But I've always been taught to love myself.

That being said, I realize that weight is a big part of health, and the more you weigh, the less healthy you are. So I have started Weight Watchers. I was very apprehensive about starting it. With a lot of diet plans, when you stop eating their food, you gain all of your weight back. Luckily, Weight Watchers doesn't require you eat only certain foods. In fact, you can technically eat anything. And I love it. Usually I have an idea of what I would like for dinner, so I'll go and see how many points it is and I will work the rest of my day around that. And I like that it really makes me think about how many fruits and vegetables and water that I have a day. I've never been big on them, but they cost me 0 points, and they are pretty filling. I do feel a little like a rabbit having fruits at breakfast and lunch and salads at lunch and dinner, but I know that it's good for me.

I've already seen improvements. It's been one week. I had my first official weigh in today. I've been weighing myself every day, but the official one was today. This first week, I lost 8 pounds. I know it's going to be less and less from here on out, but it felt good looking at the scale and not seeing the number I've seen the past 3 months. Now I am just 6 pounds away from my first goal weight and 71 pounds away from my final goal weight.

Tomorrow I'll start my work out regiment. It's the same Tracy Anderson that I was doing before my life turned upside down. It worked so well last time. Last time, I immediately started feeling things tighten up, and I only did it for a week before stopping. I know that if I stick with it, I will see results. I'm more excited to see inches go away over pounds going away. The inches going away means that my body is tight and fit. With only losing weight, your skin will be flabby and it won't be firm. I don't want that. I want to remain looking youthful.

One thing that makes me a little sad, losing my girls. They are one thing that I really have learned to embrace. I know how to dress around them when I'm looking for a certain style and they are very much a part of me. I know it sounds funny and weird, but it's just something. Now, I have been told by my mother that they will always be more voluptuous thanks to certain genes, but until I get there, I just won't know.

It's just all part of my new life, which is going quite well I might add. At first, it was a little shaky. There were a lot of maintenance issues that needed to be dealt with (and I'm still finding some), but all but one of the big issues has been taken care of, along with some little ones. Me and my mom had a nice day shopping buying some decorations for the house. My bedroom is perfect. Aside from in the future buying the dresser and nightstand that match, my room does not need any kind of change. I love it. It has this nice French theme to it and I have a lovely comforter that's the colors that I wanted (purple and gray) and it just kind of fell together. My living room needs a couple more small pieces. There's a decorative lamp at Kirklands that I want, and then one wall still needs one or two pieces, I'm just not sure what. My kitchen could use a little color. If after a few months I decide that I'll want to live out the rest of my college days here, I might paint it a soft color to help that. But it's too small of a place to put a lot of decorations without making it look smaller. My breakfast nook is the room that needs the most. It's my pop culture corner, and right now all I have is my Beatles poster and this really awesome glitter/mirror guitar and a really small painting of mine. But over time, I will collect pictures and poster and other awesome blingy things for it. It really is me. And I am happy with it.

I am slowly starting the job hunt. I am getting bored spending my days going back and forth between watching TV and playing Sims on the computer. Adding in exercise will help that a little bit, but I need social interaction. As much as I'm sure my mom loves it, I find myself calling her even when I have nothing to talk about. I've applied at one place online, and I'll go and see what other place require that you do it online. I find it really annoying when you go to a place and they tell you "Yes, we're hiring, but it's online." I think if a place is hiring, then they should be able to hand you a piece of paper. If you're not, then sure, keep it online, but I think it would benefit them more to have them in hand if they need to hire someone quickly. But I do need a job. I need money to buy stuff for my pop culture corner and my future dresser and nightstand.

All in all, I am happy right now. I'm happier than I've ever been. I feel it more and more every day. I'm really excited to see what happens while I'm in this stage of my life.

Getting All Caught Up

Okay, so I promised this a little sooner (like two Sundays ago) but I'm finally getting to it. I think I have enough to make this a long one.

Well, last time we spoke, I was about to go to orientation. I have now gone to orientation and done the whole sha-bang. It was actually quite boring and pointless and a little annoying. They kept telling us that they realize we've done this before, they just want to make sure we can transfer smoothly. It felt like they were telling us that over and over during the opening ceremony just to take up time. Then, we split up into groups based on our colleges. There was about 20 people in Visual Art and Design and they all kept asking the same questions worded just a little different and it would confuse other people so they would ask the same question and so on and so forth. Once that was done, I went to go get advised. I didn't have to, but I wanted to make sure about what I was going to do with retaking classes. Come to find out, at this point in time, it's best for me not to. I can still use these next few semesters to raise my GPA to the appropriate level with my art classes and if I don't have it up by then, then I can retake them then. So it was decided that I would sign up for Design II, Drawing I, and Art History Survey I. The first two are going to take up a lot of my time apparently, but until I get there, I won't know. But I'm excited.

Now for apartment news. On that Thursday, I had it limited to two apartments. One was cheaper all around and seemed nice. The other was more expensive but had a really interesting layout. Well, turns out that one has some really bad reviews and low rating. So, the next day while I was at orientation, my dad went and filled out all the paperwork and I have had the key to my apartment since Saturday. Now the electricity is turned on and next Tuesday, I'll have cable and internet. On Thursday, dad and I will go up there and take up my old dresser and TV stand that have been painted new to match my new bed (which I love more than anything) and my bookcase that I got while I was in the last apartment. My bed really is amazing. It's white and has baseboards all the way around. And I have a purple and two tone grey floral bedspread. It's gorgeous and I'm glad that I'll get to come home to it every day. I'm going to stay at my parents until next Monday, but I'll stay up there Monday night so I can be there when the cable people get there on Tuesday.

Lastly, we had Samantha's birthday. It was designed by me. The theme: Tinkerbell. And the gifts she received from me were Tinkerbell too. I believe she had a good time. And it was nice having a gathering with the whole family, a sign of good things to come once Jan, Dale, and Samantha move down. I hope it's soon. I like the idea of having everyone all together, I wish it had happened sooner.

Well, that's about all for now, I'll write again once I get settled in the apartment.

Did You Ever Know That You're My Hero, and Everything I Inspire to Be?

Now, this is slightly anticipatory, but mostly overdue. I would like to tell my parents thank you for everything, these past few weeks and this next week especially. They have helped me so much on finding and obtaining an apartment, getting all the utilities that I need for it, buying new furniture that I don't have, or making old furniture look new, moving all of it from one place to another (multiple times), spending more than planned money, and helping me keep it as green as possible.

My parents have always been the kind of parents that every child should grow up with. There are many poor parents out there, many great parents, but few exceptional ones; my parents fall into that exceptional category. Now, being the only daughter they have, there have been some things different that they have had to do than they did raising my brothers, but still, they have done an amazing job. They never failed to let me try whatever I wish when it came to extra curricular activities, and never missed any event (accept when they went to see Paul McCartney one year instead of a football game, but I can't blame them, I would have missed that too). But more importantly, they supported me. Weather it was my dad playing basketball with me in the back yard to improve my lay up, or selling concessions at little league cheerleading games and during high school again, they were always very involved with whatever was my current passion.

They're love for helping me do my best was not limited to just activities outside of school. They always helped me when it came to school projects, especially with my high school physics projects and reading papers over and over to make sure that every word is spelled correctly and there is a period and comma where they should be. And outside of school all together, they have always been there. My mother would sit with me for hours on end listening to me cry and complain about this weeks argument with whatever friend or whatever teacher or anything that was bothering me. And my father would wait patiently for me to recover from the problem and try his best to make it better.

And not only are they amazing parents to me and my brothers, and grandparents to their granddaughters, but they have been amazing spouses to each other. For over 30 years now, they have been forever perfecting the art of marriage. I was worried about what would happen when I left for college, seeing as it would be the first time they would be alone in the house, but these past two years, I have only seen their love for each other grow more than I ever knew was possible.

My ultimate goal for myself when I am married and have children is that I can be the spouse they have been and the parents they have been.

Almost There. Just a Little Longer.

Well, I'm just a few days away from orientation. I'm really excited for it. My orientation for ASU was a fun one, I remember. And I'm glad that they have an orientation special for transfer students and I'm not with freshmen new to the whole college experience. And it's only a one day thing, instead of two, which makes me happy. I'd really like to get the whole thing done with and just register for classes.

I only plan on taking 9 hours this semester and raising my GPA, retake some classes that I didn't do so hot on in the past. I don't like the idea of retaking classes, but I know it's what's best. And I know that I won't be in a class full of freshmen. I'm sure a lot will be there, but if it's anything like ASU, there will still be juniors and seniors that have procrastinated and never taken them, or have to retake them for whatever reason.

Tomorrow I'm going up to Denton to look at rentals with my dad. I really hope tomorrow I can find a place to live. Not that I hate living with my parents, I just really want a place of my own, a place to call my own. I'm excited to start decorating and making a little cozy place for myself to live and paint and make a new life.

Well, I'm sure I'll have more Sunday, because I have a feeling that's going to be the next time I can write.

Speak to Me, Blue Ant!

It's no lie that technology and I have a love/hate relationship; today only further pushed that relationship further to the hate side of it.

Now, I love my phone, I really do. I love it so much, that I think everyone should have a Windows phone. But I have finally found a problem and the solution is too annoying. When I got the phone, I had to set up a Windows account because I didn't have one. Well, now I have one that I use. Now, this is a flaw to the Windows phone: you can only have one Windows account and the only way to change my old windows account to my new one is to reset the phone to how it was when I bought it. That means no contacts, no apps, nothing. I would have to go and re-add everything and I'm just not sure it's worth it.

My next problem of the day: a range extender. For those of you who don't know what that is, it strengthens the signal of a router so Internet is more accessible everywhere. My room in Red Oak does not have very strong signal, so my dad went and bought one. We had issues from the beginning. It wouldn't connect to the router, it wouldn't connect to the computer, and then finally, we got it. I left my laptop alone for a few hours and when I get back, I have no internet connection. When I attempt to connect to it, it won't let me. My dad said to turn my computer off and back on. After doing this, it doesn't even list the Extender as something to connect to, it completely disappeared. Needless to say, we're going to have to call for some help tomorrow.

Now, of course technology isn't fully against me. I got this amazing Blue Tooth thing called Blue Ant. You don't have to wear it on your ear, it attaches to your visor magnetically or you can just lay it on a table. It works the exact way Blue Tooth does, only instead of using your phone to call and just talking through the head piece, all you simply do is say "Speak to me, Blue Ant" and it says "Say a command" and you go from there. Now, I'm not going to lie, I feel a little like a secret agent talking to another secret agent called Blue Ant. And I feel a little powerful, telling it what to do. It can call from my address book, redial the last person I called, call back the last person who called me, I can check the weather, the traffic, movie times. This thing is AMAZING! Yes, this is an example of good technology.

On a side note, I believe the new TLC show "House vs. Spouse" is going to ruin a lot of marriages.

You're Gonna Go Far, Kid

"You really do have raw talent. You're gonna go far, kid. You're gonna be great." Those were the words from the man who harassed me about paint and straight edges and my highlights being to bright. I didn't see it coming. I went in to pick up my last project to complete my portfolio, and this is what he told me. "With each project, I set the standards for you higher and higher." Although I only achieved B's on each project, he told me that by the third project, I was getting pure A+'s when compared to other classmates work. Now, I'm happy that he said that, but I'm still only going to get a B for the class. I guess that's because I missed class 4 times, only two of which I was sick. The other two, I really did sleep through the alarm clock and I did feel bad about it. I guess a B is better than nothing, and the compliments really did flatter me.

Other teachers, I'm not to happy with. Well, just one. I haven't been worried about psychology at all this semester until the other night. I was looking at my grades to find half of them missing. After e-mailing my teacher, I found that because I was late to class on certain days we had quizzes, those quizzes did not count. Now, I'm scared beyond all belief. I have no room to talk, it's in the syllabus. It's like I did it to myself. Every time I was late though, it was because of parking. I know, it's not the best excuse, but it's not like we have the best parking system in the world. Any student can agree with that. So now, I have no clue. I don't even need my Psychology classes anymore because at UNT, I'm not going to need it as a minor, Education will be my minor. Some things I wish I could go and change though.

A Thank You to All

Dear Everyone,

I just want to thank you for reading and all of your support. It really means a lot to me to see people reading. It is only encouragement to continue writing. I hope that in all of my writings, I help inspire people to blog also. I avidly believe in people at least writing about their life. It helps set stuff straight in your head, it gives you something to go back to and remember, and if you chose to make it public, it can help and inspire other people.

Again, thank you for the support, and I love you all.

-MK 

Standards

So, I've decided that I'm going to listen to one of my best friends, Casey, and make a list of my standards that guys must meet. After the fall of my last relationship due to the fact that I let myself be hurt, I'm not going to let that happen again. So here we go.

• He must have never cheated on another girlfriend. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
• He can't have privacy and trust issues. If I am going to be completely open with you, you better be completely open with me.
• He must be honest. I can't stand liars, and I refuse to have them in my life.
• He must have some belief system, but be accepting of other religions and belief systems.
• He has to be playful.
• He has to be okay with telling me he loves me in front of other people.
• He has to come from a good family.
• He has to tell his family about me. I refuse to be hidden.
• He has to be a family man.
• I want time with my friends, and I want him to have time with his friends, but I never want to be in second place.
• He has to like Italian food.
• He has to be there when I'm scared.
• He has to be adventurous, but also be okay with being lazy sometimes.
• NO drugs.
• He can drink alcohol, but he CANNOT be an alcoholic. 
• He has to love animals.
• He has to have an education, or be pursuing one.
• He has to like my art, and believe in my abilities.
• He has to believe in me. PERIOD. 
• He MUST like The Beatles. If he loves them, that's even better.
• He has to like my cooking.
• He has to be sweet, generous, and caring.
• He has to accept me for me and not expect me to change for him or anyone else.
• His friends can't be assholes.
• If I'm his girlfriend, I don't want to worry about another girl taking my place.
• A little athletic, a little nerdy, and a little preppy.
• He has to accept that I cry when I'm sad and when I'm happy.
• My family has to love him just as much as I do.

True North

The question we are asked at even the earliest ages is quite a complex question: What do you want to be when you “grow up”?  When we’re young, we answer naively.  We want to be cowboys and pop stars.  As we get older, our answers aren’t as unreasonable, but they aren’t exactly achievable either.  I remember wanting to go to Yale or Harvard, graduating at the top of my class with a 4.0, and then becoming a litigator because according to the movie Clueless, those are the scary kind of lawyers.  Since then, I’ve wanted to be many things.  Finally after changing my major four times and taking many classes that I ended up not needing, I knew what I wanted to be when I “grew up”.  I took an Art History class my second semester here, but it took me another two semesters before I finally decided that I wanted to be an artist.  I wanted to be great.  Well, my parents weren’t too thrilled and left me with two options: pay for college myself and pay them back any money they had put toward my education, or get a teaching certificate and settle for teaching art.  So, my options of jobs that I would seriously consider applying for are an artist that owns an art gallery filled with my own works, or a teacher, preferably in high school or college, teaching people how to become what I want to be.

Now, I’m not clueless. I know that owning my own gallery and attempting to sell paintings that no one has ever heard of isn’t going to make me any money.  In fact, I would lose money.  But the thought of having a gallery in Dallas or Ft. Worth, or dare I say, New York, being right in the middle of everything, is enough to make me want it.  No artist started off making money right away; van Gough didn’t sell a painting until after his death.  But I’m not going to lie, I don’t care. I could be my own boss, set my own goals, and possibly hit it big. The job would be completely worthless, but getting the job would be a sure thing.

As for teaching, I’m not sure how I would feel about it.  I’ve been told I’m a good teacher, I’ve worked with kids in the past, and it would give me a chance to shape young minds.  But who are we kidding, it’s not what I want to do. The security is the only thing the job has going for it. I have to teach according to specific ruling, whether that be the state of Texas, or whatever private school I taught for. And where does it take me? The best I could get is “Teacher of the Year”.  Where’s the fun in that? And with the current demand for teachers being almost non-existent, it’s not even a guaranteed job.

So what am I going to attempt to be when I grow up? Well, the answer may shock you seeing how negative my previous paragraph was, but I plan on teaching.  When originally told I would have to teach, I was less than thrilled.  But having done some growing and thinking over the course of time, I’ve learned that I have more options that I thought when it comes to teaching, and it may not be so bad after all.  And I can only imagine how amazing it would be to see a student do a work modelled after one of my own.  When you add in the fact that it would give me an actual pay check, it becomes that much more appealing.

 Now I have to get there. When simply put, what I have to do is take the appropriate classes, do a semester of student teaching in a local school, take a test, and then apply for a job, which would result in obtaining a job and me spending the rest of my life happily behind a desk grading papers.  If only it were that simple.  Yes, those are the steps, but it requires much more when it’s all said and done.  I have to take a minimum of six hours of each separate type of art, and then pick two specific types and take an additional three hours in each.  Then I have to take my education classes that I have to maintain at least a B in to be allowed to enter my student teaching. After student teaching, I have to do so well on my exam to get my teaching certificate.  Once obtaining said certificate, I have to apply to multiple schools seeing as most schools aren’t looking for teachers, especially ones that teach classes that aren’t mandatory in every school. My main focus right now is making sure that with each branch of art I am introduced to that I learn everything I possible can about it. When it comes time for my education classes, I will make sure that I learn those concepts fully. These two steps will make it that much easier to obtain a job in the future.

So now you know what my future potentially holds for me.  I can only hope that I can stay with it and achieve my goals and more. Who knows, maybe as I sculpt young minds, I can find time to continue my own work and become not only “Teacher of the Year”, but the great artist that I can only dream of becoming.

Negative Nelly

I'm usually not a negative person, but man, that is not that case today. All I can think of is things that I don't want to do, or problems I don't want to deal with, people I don't want to see. And I know exactly where to place the blame: the kittens. They didn't outwardly do anything, accept wake me up an hour or so before my alarm clock went of because they wanted food and couldn't wait another hour. But before I had gotten up, I found my phone laying on the ground in a puddle of Dr. Pepper. Luckily, the only thing with the phone was that it was sticky, but that still leaves me with a mess on the floor to pick up. Then when I walked in the bathroom, I discovered that one of them had had an accident on the floor. Again, luckily it was something that needed to be thrown away. Well, that lead to deciding to clean the litter, which would have been easy if they wouldn't mess up the liner that is supposed to keep it all in a bag with draw strings instead of having to scoop all of it. Most of it though was in the bag. Lucky for me. Then I fed them and went to go clean up the Dr. Pepper mess they made.

Now that class is over and I don't have anything to do until 4, all I can think of is what I have to do and how bad I don't want to do it. The big one is work. First off, ever since I turned in my two weeks notice, I just feel like "Why?" Then, I work with a person who's not my favorite to work with. This one isn't as bad as the one from Monday, but they just do everything differently from everyone else, and it's the way you're supposed to do it, so it makes me feel bad doing it the way I was trained from everyone else. And I work Happy Hour. I am so tired of working Happy Hour. There has only been two days our of my entire employment that I haven't worked Happy Hour, and those were my training days. And the big thing that really annoys me is when people say "Keep the change," and it's only a penny or two. I just want to be like, "Thanks, the work and effort I put into your drink is just a penny." The customers aren't always the best.

But before that, I have some cleaning/packing to do; I have to unload things from my car; I have to take out the trash; I have dishes to do; and, I need to do at least half of the laundry so I have clean pants for work. Not to mention still take a shower and make myself presentable for work and start a little on my Design project so the teacher doesn't throw a hissy fit and go grocery shopping so I have actual food here.

Then that just makes me think of things I have to do before Friday, like completely finish packing, have a nice clean room so my dad doesn't harass me, clean my bathroom, and spray down the living room with an odor eliminator so my parents aren't bothered by the pet smell. I just don't feel like I have enough time to do all this, and add in how I don't want to do it. Those two feelings just feed off each other.

Oh well, I guess it's time to get to work. Yay!! (And please note the sarcasm in the yay.)

Go, Go, Go...Right Into a Brick Wall

So this "Go, Go, Go" mentality is starting to hit me harder than ever and I can't let it happen, not yet at least. I guess it has to do because no I'm a regular closer until I leave and closing sucks ass. It's not hard, it's just no fun. But I only have 12 more possible days of work. Well, if you want to be technical, 5 more possible days because I already have my schedule for the week. I only close one night this week, so I guess that's okay.

As for the rest of the week, I'm hoping to get a final answer from UNT. They sent a piece of mail on Saturday saying they needed my transcripts. Well, I already sent my ASU ones last Wednesday and then I sent my Navarro ones today. I hate waiting. My mom keeps telling me it's because I'm part of the instant gratification generation, and maybe it has a little to do with that. But also, this is my future. This is my promise to get the hell out of Dodge and start a new, healthy life for myself away from the life that I've been forcing myself to live for the past year and a half. I'm ready to just step away from this life.

I think once I'm away from here my art will flourish. I'll be around new culture, new people, smells, everything. I need charcoal real bad though. My parents are coming this weekend and they'll take the majority of everything with them, and that includes my art stuff. So I'm going to have to get some new charcoal to pass the next two weeks. Hello gesture drawings. But that's okay. I want to get a nice little collection of them. When I did them in Primary, I had some good charcoal ones, I just need practice. But gesture drawings are so freeing and it just lets me step away from the world. I need that right now.

As for everything else: Al is taking over my lease on May 5th, the day after I leave; I've turned in my two weeks notice; only one more week of real classes and then Dead Week; I think that's it. Thanks for listening to me ramble. I promise the next one will be more insightful.

Let's Do This

So I've been single for a week and one day now and I'm proud to say that I'm happy. Cory hasn't exactly been the sweetest guy about the break up which has lead me to realize I deserve so much better. I know, any of you who read the last post knows what happen and are probably saying "You didn't think you deserved better before?" Well, yes, I do believe I deserved better before, but I also believe everyone deserves a second chance. However, he has had a second chance, a few second chances. Well, needless to say, he's temporarily ruined second chances for guys in the future. But I'm in a really good place. I don't think I've ever been so happy.

I did an art project today and I'm really happy about it. I love the smell of paint and brush cleaner and I love the sound of the bristles stroking against the canvas. I know, it sounds weird to those of you who don't understand, but it puts me in a happy place. Y'all should definitely go to my Facebook and check out the new pictures, there's four of them.

You know what else makes me happy? Getting my shit done. I've never been so diligent about getting everything in order. In the past week, I have sent in my applications to UNT and TWU; called UNT and got some stuff figured out; e-mailed UNT and got more stuff figured out; got a number to call about financial aid at UNT; got my transcripts from ASU send to UNT and TWU and got it set up to send my final transcripts set up at the end of the semester, and that's just stuff for school. I'll talk about the other stuff later. But I'm really excited about the transfer, I think it will be a good thing. No, not think, I know. New campus, new friends, new guys. Really looking forward to the last one. Not that the guys here aren't great, I'm just ready for new ones.

Now, as for non-school related stuff, I have gotten all of my apartment stuff taken care of, well, my apartment stuff in San Angelo. As for once I get back to that side of the state, I'm not to certain. But, as for now, my wonderful friend Al is going to take over my lease which mean I only have one more month of rent to pay. Which is why I'm not certain about my living situation once I move. But only 21 day, pretty much 20 now, until I do leave. I've never been so excited.

I just excited about my new life. But I'm going to miss my current one, which is why I'm eventually going to throw a going away party so I can see everyone one last time before I head out. Once I get more information on that, I let everyone know.

A Tribute to Life

So, for those of you who haven't heard, I am single, I am picking up my life, and I am changing. Now, I know my profile still has couple type things on it, but I'll get to it eventually, it's a little harder to change than Facebook. And for all of you who want to know what happened, I'm going to actually tell you. I think everyone needs to know the truth so that way people don't think I'm running away.

He cheated. Cory cheated. I forgave him for cheating but I just couldn't trust him. After almost seven months of trying to trust, I couldn't. I mean, yeah, he got some trust back after doing certain things, but he was nowhere near the amount of trust that should exist between a couple. Now, I'm not saying this to bad mouth him, I'm really not. I still want him to accomplish everything that he wants in his life and I hope so much that one day he'll be in a place where he can have a relationship that isn't so lost. But I also don't want people to think that he is the victim here. We both are. We both did things that hurt the other and it broke us. What caused me to want to do this was I was talking to a friend who actually knew him more than some of my other friends, and telling her about it made me feel better than telling anyone else, just because she knew him and she knew people who know him very well.

I think another reason why I'm feeling better about it is that we actually talked today. We tied up some loose ends that I needed to be done. It really helped me. I knew it would. With my last boyfriend, we didn't tie up loose ends until about 3 months later and it took me a lot more time to feel good about everything and I knew I didn't want that again. So I said what I needed to say, and he took it well, and he told me things that I needed to know, and I know it was true and from the heart. I know for a little bit, we will probably not ever really talk. But maybe in a few months to a year, we can be able to talk like we used to before we were in a relationship and be friends.

The reason why I'm not scared that talking again would lead to another relationship is because I'm leaving San Angelo. I'm going to move back home and hopefully attend UNT. I'm glad that I'm going to be going home and that I'm going to be close to everyone. My grandparents just moved down and my aunt and uncle will be coming down soon too, so a good portion of my family is going to be here. I feel that I will finally be able to be an aunt to all three of my nieces, and that is so important to me. And I feel that I will be able to get a better education elsewhere. Not that ASU is a bad school, but it's not the best for what I'm going for. ASU is actually a pretty awesome school with some amazingly cool people and the culture on campus is really diverse for the size town it is.

So yeah, I'm a little sad. No, a lot sad. For obvious reasons. I've lost my boyfriend and best friend and I'm moving away from this second family that I have that is so amazingly sweet. But I know that in the end, this is what I need and with this change, I will accomplish everything.

Normal-ish

As much as I would like to say that for the past month I've been doing something amazing, like traveling across the country or painting some world changing painting, I haven't been. I have been doing nothing actually.Well, not nothing nothing. I've gone to class, looked for and obtained a job, went on a vacation with my mom, and had a successful birthday. But, honestly, I haven't done too much other than that.

I guess I've been trying to lay low. I think I've just been out of it lately since I haven't had a job. It's hard to maintain a scheduled and balanced life when you go to class for an hour or two and then have nothing to do the rest of the day. It gets to the point where all the dishes are clean and the clothes are folded and then the only thing you have to do all day is watch re-runs of Grey's Anatomy (I finished that, now I'm working on Desperate Housewives).

So, here's the break down of the month of March. The first two weeks of March was pretty much just classes. Cory introduced me to a new game called Rift. If y'all like WOW, then you'll like this too. Then, the week of Spring Break, my mom and I went to New Orleans. We stayed in a really nice hotel right on Bourbon Street. We spent a few days there shopping and doing the normal tourist type things. We ate at Cafe du Monde every day. They seriously have the best hot chocolate I have EVER had. You'll really have to get some if you ever go there. We took a horse and buggy ride. We ate at a really nice restaurant, you know, the kind that has the white table cloths and serves you water in the really nice glass goblets. It really was amazing and super yummy. Finally we had to come back. I spent a few more days at home, got together with Sam one of those days, then headed back.

Once back, I started my job search but not before having a mental knock-out drag-down war with my roommate. When I returned home from my trip, I found my once nicely, perfectly decorated living room turned into a place that looked like no one cared about it. My decorations had been removed and shoved in a closet. My kitchen utensils had been shoved into cupboards leaving objects broken. Needless to say, we had words. Nothing horrible or anything, at least on my behalf. However, when I left, I called my mother and let her know exactly how I was feeling. The next day, I removed everything from the living room and kitchen that's mine, including the TV that her and her friends were in the middle of watching. Life since has been a little topsy tervy. I've been staying with Cory until I can find someone to take over my lease or until it runs out. But I think I just might pay the money to have my name put on a list so I have a higher chance of my lease being taken over. But, until then, I will live a topsy tervy lifestyle.

After uprooting my life, I started my job search. I had three interviews and then got a job. Today was my first day. It's at Hastings as a Batista and cashier. I'm pretty excited about it. But, before I started, it was another week of school. I took a test and went to class. Then, I got sick. I was so panicked that I was sick and I was supposed to be starting my job in just a few days. Luckily, the bug passed before I started. And now, life is back to normal-ish. I mean, when you're starting a job, nothing is all that normal until you get the hang of everything.

So now, my life is normal-ish. I'm ready for the summer and the somewhat break that I'll get. But this is where my life has been the past month.

Suprises are Amazing!

So, I did two things that any girl, no matter how short, tall, fat or skinny, will testify to being the most annoying and emotional process ever, and I did both in one shopping trip. I tried on shorts and bathing suits. Guys don't understand this so much, they just watch their significant other suffer through it. For girls, even if it's the same cut, just a different color, it can mean the difference in getting it or not because it changes completely how they look on you. Every style fits you differently through every part of your body. One wrong stitch and it can emphasis the part of you that you hate the most.

This required a lot of mental preparation. I took a nice long hot shower, took time doing my hair and make up, picked out clothes I felt extra confident in, not to mention the pep talk I was giving myself the entire time that even if I didn't find anything today, it was still early in the season. I made sure right before leaving, I looked amazing so no matter how the shopping trip went, I still looked great. Then I went to the mall.

The first store, which was for shorts, was okay. I found one pair that was okay. But I just didn't really feel great. Then I tried the swimsuits. This wasn't bad. None of them looked horrible, but none of them looked great. I wasn't going to let it get me down. I had to stop myself going into Wet Seal. They're never good for shorts or pants and I don't need anymore of their shirts, but my want for them is very high and going in there is me asking for it.

I headed into American Eagle and had amazing luck. In total, I found six pairs of shorts and planned on getting two of them. A nice denim pair and then a khaki pair. Then come to find out as I'm checking out, the khaki pair was on sale and allowed me to get another of the same kind, only in navy. I was so happy at how it all turned out. I didn't really care about the bathing suit anymore, I don't really need one of those right away. The shorts are a little more important. All in all, it was a good shopping day. I love good shopping days.

Growing Up is Hard to Do

So tomorrow is my oldest nieces 13th birthday and I'm finding myself oddly sentimental. I guess between that and me being 20 in a few weeks, I'm finding myself looking back at everything and finding myself pretty okay with my life.

I remember the night my niece was born. I was only 7 and I wasn't allowed to stay at the hospital too late because I had school the next day and you never know how long a person will be in labor. But, the next morning when I woke up, I had a baby niece. She was the first baby I ever help and I remember being really scared to hold her because I didn't want to drop her. Then I remember the years when I could tell my mom that I thought it was time she took a "N-A-P" because she was getting fussy, and then the day when she came back with "I know that spells nap." I remember the first day of school, the dance recitals, the soccer games. And somewhere in there, she grew up. And somewhere in there, I grew up too.

I see a lot of what my niece is going through as things that I went through, although because it seems that generations go through things sooner than the generation before them. The things she's going through I swear I didn't go through until I was a sophomore in high school. It scares me. Not for her so much. I mean, I worry about decisions she makes and will make; but I worry about decisions her friends will make her and how it will effect her. I also worry how it will be when I have children. I know with the right supervision and rules and whatnot, and if I raise my children the way my parents raised me, I know that my children will be more like how I think they should be. But I also don't know how things will be then. I mean, right now it's Facebook and texting and all about instant gratification (all things I didn't have until high school). And who knows, maybe in 10 years when I plan on having kids, it will be completely different in a good way. Maybe things will be more like it was before, in that teachers can be firmer and not have to worry about the parents freaking out, and the youth will respect their elders and worries won't be so much about a child's self esteem because I know a lot of people who were raised this way and they turned out just fine.

Or, maybe it will be worse and right now I really have no clue what worse could be because I really am quite worried for this generation. What with 13 years having sex and getting pregnant, getting addicted to drugs, calling people whore's and sluts. I really am amazed at how things have changed since I was there. I can only hope with all my might that it doesn't get worse.

But, I would like to finish this with wishing my niece the most wonderful and amazing birthday and that I hope that she always follows her heart and doesn't fall for something she shouldn't. I love you baby girl.

Best Friends, Rude People, and Just Plain Fun

Sorry I haven't been posting lately, I've been a little busy with school and then I headed to Red Oak for a little time with the family, and seeing as I don't currently have my laptop, I had no way of posting. Overall, it was a pretty good time.

Friday, I guess, would be the first day of some importance. I got my final check from the Theatre and my W2. I whole $41 and not even enough money to claim. I guess it's not too important. Any money I would have gotten back would have gone to rent anyways. Then around 3, I said goodbye to Cory and the kittens and hit the road. This drive wasn't that bad. A friend that lives in the same direction as I do was also heading back. It was nice having the company, and also knowing that if something happened, there would be somewhere there who knew me. But for the first half of the trip, I had him, and the second half is always faster because the cities are closer together. I finally got in around 8:30 and by 10, I was ready to crash. I hadn't slept that good in a while, although most nights have been good sleep ever since I started feeling better.

The next morning, my dad took my car in to get new tires. All new tires made in August of 2010, not some random month in 2001. While he was getting the tires replaced, he noticed that the tire in the trunk (the broken one) had busted a laundry detergent bottle and it had spilled all over my trunk. Me and my mom got the trunk cleaned up, luckily the only thing of value that was ruined was a textbook, but I can get another one off Amazon cheap, and maybe even a more recent one. For lunch, I got together with Sam, my best friend and one of the few people I still talk to  from high school. We ate lunch at El Fenix and then did a little shopping. We both got some new clothes. I love getting together with her. We had a fall out for a little while in high school, but I think it's only made us stronger. We have a lot in common and I think we'll always be close. I'm not sure what I would do without her. After I got back from spending time with her, my dad and I headed up to AT&T and I was able to get rid of the P.O.S. I had. My new phone is pretty bad ass. As of this moment, I would suggest a Windows phone over an Android. I've only had it a couple days, but I had more problems with my first two Androids in the first week, so maybe I really have found my phone. And it flows amazingly. I really think anyone looking for a new phone should check out the Windows. I have the Quantum and if you like the QWERTY keyboard, it's your phone. The buttons are the perfect size and they're not hard to press.

While at the store, and incredibly rude woman was there. The store is set up quite simply. You enter the door from the front, on each wall are the phones and accessories, and at the end is the desk where you check out. Now, blocking the view of the sales persons from being able to see everything is a display that stands as about as tall as an average person and is about 2.5 to 3 feet wide. A woman in about her 60s was sitting against the wall, right where it would be impossible to see her behind the display. While the associate that was helping me was trying to get a hold of the corporate to approve something, she was asking the two people who were visible to her if she could solve any quick questions. The lady said nothing while the associate asked the question about 4 times. Now, about 15 minutes later, another customer walked in. The second associate told the new customer that she would be with her momentarily. This is when the lady sitting against the wall finally speaks. "I've been here for 30 minutes and no one even said hello to me." she barked. Both associates apologized, and then they kind of glance in each others direction giving each other the look of "Oh great." The lady then yells at them to not look at each other like she's their mother. She continued to say rude comments the rest of the time I was there, and I'm sure afterward too, making it completely awkward to be there.

After leaving there, my parents, my brother and I went to go pick up my niece, and then head over to my brother, sister-in-law, and baby nieces house. We got to celebrate all of the March birthdays, which would be Callie, Amy, me, and Chris (that being the order of our birthdays). Ryan's birthday is in the beginning of February, so in a way, his was celebrated to because it was the first time we had all been together and been able to do so. Then that night Callie spent the night. I have a close relationship with my niece and she is definitely a very important person in my life and so every time we get to spend some time together, it's really nice.

The next and final morning, we went and had an early lunch at my favorite restaurant, Chuy's. Really, the best Mexican restaurant out there. If you're ever in San Antonio, North Dallas, Arlington, or Ft. Worth, make sure to check it out. Get the queso for sure and also the Chicka-Chicka Boom Boom. It really is the best. Callie and I got some shirts too. They have hilarious shirts. Although, later pointed out to me, mine is a lot more sexual than I could have thought. It has their, I guess, mascot being chased by the PacMan ghosts and it is chasing a taco and says Chuy's in the PacMan writing. Then, on the back, it has the PacMan game, and in the middle it says "Eat Me" and then the food that it has already eaten is a taco and a burrito. Now, you may need to think about it a little bit if your mind doesn't go straight to the gutter. I did not think about any of this while I was getting it; however, it was Cory's first thought after I showed him.

Well, after that I hit the road back to San Angelo. It took forever, but I finally made it back around 5:45 and got to spend some good quality time with Cory and the kittens.

As Equals

One of my greatest annoyances is people telling me that I have to do something one way because they would do it that way. If you say "Hey Kelsey, why don't you try it this way?", you know what, I will. Because you made a suggestion, and hey, maybe it is better than what I was thinking. But what I can't stand is, "I wouldn't do that and you shouldn't either."

On our very first project in the design class, my teacher told me that statement: "I wouldn't do that and you shouldn't either." Well, one, I wanted to do it. I thought it looked brilliant. And two, this isn't your project. Oh, I despised him for it. It really did just get under my skin. I wanted to do it just to spite him, but I know he would have given me a worse grade had I actually done that. All because he wouldn't do it. Needless to say, the class became one that I hated. I didn't want to go to it, I found all the projects meaningless, and I really wouldn't listen to his critiques.

Today, this changed. Because last week I had been sick, I hadn't been in class and missed some lectures and going over the details of our latest project. I knew what we were supposed to do in general terms, but I didn't know everything, and it made it hard to actually start on anything. Since today was my first full day back in the class, he pulled me into his office to explain in more detail what we were supposed to do. I'm not sure how we got to talking about it, but he mentioned he used to be a runner, until he blew out his foot. I told him I could relate, due to a skiing accident that terribly injured my knee and making it hard for me to do a lot of things I used to enjoy. We also related in the fact that neither of us are big on actually teaching, we just want to do our art. We talked as equals, not as a teacher and a student. It was nice to know that we had things in common.

I still don't really like the guy, like really like him. He's okay. It will take a while for his initial comment to fade. I mean, after all, the first impression is the most important. But, he doesn't stand where he used to either. I don't think I'll mind the class as much anymore.

Within Light is Darkness; Within Darkness is Light

So today was a pretty kick ass day, I'm not going to lie. I was a little hesitant seeing as my roommate had friends over last night, but they were relatively quiet and I was so worn out from being sick all week I passed out quite fast. And I slept all night through. I can't remember the last time that happened. When I woke up at 12, I was refreshed, not totally caught up on sleep, but enough to really feel a difference. I was able to wake up at my own pace and not have to worry about being late to anything if I accidentally fell asleep again. God, I love that feeling. And to top it off, I slept in my new sheets my mom bought me last week and they are so soft and silky and perfect.

When I actually did get up, it was the first time that I actually wanted to make myself all nice a pretty since before I got sick. I love that feeling too. Today was a lot of "Love That Feeling." I spent a little time with my kittens before I left for the day. I love those babies so much.

 Once out, I got some Cinnabon for me and Cory, dropped of a game at Hastings and headed over to Cory's. He was still sleeping, but that was okay because I really wanted to go over there to watch "The Back-Up Plan." I love that movie. It's the perfect romantic comedy and it has a plot line that isn't exactly always thought of. And shortly after it was over, Cory woke up; mostly because him mom called, but he knew it was time to wake up also. By this time it was 5:30, and I was starving for some real food-Mexican to be exact. Cory and I tried a new place-Mejor Que Nada. He had been there once before, but it had been a while so it doesn't count. I haven't had Mexican food that's not Taco Bell in forever. Actually, I haven't had that in a while either and I'm really craving it. I love when the quesidillas are perfectly made! But back to dinner. It was really good. The salsa had a great kick to it, they have white queso, which is my favorite because I don't have to worry about a migraine, and it had a perfect atmosphere. Both Cory and my dinners were perfectly cooked. I was so happy about it. To top it off, it wasn't at all expensive!

After dinner we were going to see Gnomeo and Juliet, but we decided a different night would be better. We went and walked around the mall and saw some friends there. I bought some incense at Earthboud and they smell amazing. I can't wait to use them. Then we went to Wal-Mart and my day got even better. Because Valentine's Day is over, all the stuff left over is like 50% off. Fun Dip is one of my most favorite candies ever and they had a box of 24 on sale. Cory bought me 4 of them and a little mini bear that matches the big one he bought me on the actual Valentine's Day, only it says "Kiss Me" instead of "Be Mine." Then he also bought me the new Sims: Outdoor Stuff game. Man I hit the jackpot! I was so happy. And because the Valentine's stuff was all about $6 together, it wasn't that expensive of a purchase, or a day.

Tomorrow we're going to go to the carnival. I've never been to it, but it's only my second year in San Angelo. I can't wait! I really do think I have a great boyfriend. We not only love each other, we like each other. We've been through a lot in the year we've been together. I know we'll have more trials as we go, but I can't wait for it because I know we'll make it through. I've never been so happy in a relationship. Not saying anything bad about my past relationships, but they were high school relationships that, as much as we liked to believe then, were not going to go anywhere. This is a more adult relationship, which I've never had before and is a little scary, but it's a good scare. He's never been in a relationship this long, and I'm getting close to my longest relationship mark, about another month and a half. Then we'll both be in a new territory, but that's okay, we'll make it.

It's a Love/Hate Kind of Relationship

Friday is my longest day, it is my hardest day, it is Ceramics Day. I love ceramics, and I hate it. It's a feeling that I have with most of my art. It is so mentally frustrating, it can be physically straining, and it can make you want to run away. And then you step away, breathe, and look at it, and even if it's not perfect, it's beautiful. I get to experience this feeling for five and a half hours straight every Friday.

I love the people in the class. They are simply brilliant. They are a perfect match for me on the friend scale. They make me glad I took the class. Except one girl. Every time she speaks to me, I bite my tongue and slip into the "Just Don't Listen" state. She likes to tell me that everything I am doing is wrong. The first time she critiqued me, I was working on my coil pot. She told me that I needed to stop after the next coil. One, no shit Sherlock. Two, do you, a person who has just as much experience as I do, had the right to tell me what I need to do? I don't. Today, she did it again. This time I was throwing and I was trying to get my clay centered so I could start working on my cylinder. When I throw, I throw left handed. For those of you who aren't sure what that means, instead of using my right hand to primarily form the clay that way I want, I use my left, which is different since I am technically right handed. My wheel had barely spun around a few times when she comes over and told me that I needed to do it with my right hand and I would have better results. This time my complaints with her were even more. She showed up to class two hours late and acted like nothing happened. The teacher specifically told me that I should try throwing left handed and maybe it would be easier for me. And, she is just as new as I am and has no right to tell me what to do. That's really one of my pet peeves. I hate it enough when a teacher tells me I'm doing something wrong because I hate being wrong. But when a peer who isn't more experienced than I am in any way tells me that I'm doing it wrong, I flip shit. I told her that I threw left handed and that I didn't care that she thought I was doing it wrong.

Even before she left, I got back in the zone. I tuned into my music and my hands forming around the clay. This really is a calming experience, nothing can touch me. I love feeling the clay slide around my hands and through my fingers. I love feeling the water pour over my hands and giving the water a slick texture. The hum of the wheel as it spends blocks out the world around me. Feeling the clay become more and more centered the longer it spends, pulling it up into a tall cone and pushing it down back to a small cone. I could sit there and do it all day, although eventually my clay would become to saturated and therefore useless. But while there, it is the best feeling I ever could have. All of my stress just goes away and I'm left with a pure feeling in my body.

I continue this feeling after class too. This is something that has always just brought me peace, but after almost six hours of being dirty, and a long week, this feels just perfect. I take a nice, hot, long shower. It's a really peaceful time. First, I wash off all of the dried on clay, then the words of the girl who always finds a way to annoy me, and then, the week. It's so relaxing to just escape. And when I'm done, my week is over and my weekend has begun. I have a fresh mindset and nothing can bring me down.

Acception is Key

Originally, I wanted to rant about my roommate.I wanted to say every mean thing in the book. But then, after talking to my mother, I'm not going to. However, in these next couple of days, I am going to think about what I want to say, write it out a few times, and then tell her. Pretty much what I am going to tell her is that she is not allowed to use any of my pots, pans, dishes, or games; that she needs to be respectful of the sound; and that she needs to learn how to use the AC/Heater. It's all a matter of respect, and I am not feeling it.

On a happier note, I think I'm healthy. I know, yesterday I wasn't sure, and I'm still not, but I think that I have gotten it fixed. I'll be more sure about it the more I go without being sick. It will be nice to have a normal life again. But I still plan on drinking water and eating salads more regularly. I have another thought too. I will, after my motivation class, walk from the side of campus I am on, all the way to the other side, and back. I'm not sure how far it is, but I know it will be good for me, a place to start. And I really hope that I can stick to this. I know that I have the support of my mother on this. She's always been a good person to keep me motivated, and she's always been one concerned about weight. I'm proud of my mothers weight loss that she has had, and I hope that she can, one day, be proud of the weight I have lost, or at least be proud of the fact that I am healthier.

I feel better these past few days because all I've had is water. The last time I went this long without caffeine was when I was a Junior in high school. I gave up caffeine for Lent and actually made it the entire time. Come Easter morning, I had made up for all the caffeine I had lost. But after that, I did drink substantially less energy drinks. But my body feels more clean. I'm going to keep this up until it's at least been a week, and I know for sure I'm healthy before I have another soda. But I really am going to try and keep my sodas to a minimum.

I know that y'all probably don't think that this is as interesting as me ranting about my roommate, but this blog isn't about me making a fool of myself, it's about me coming to terms with my life. Sometimes I'm going to need to rant and rave about what I'm feeling, but when it comes down to it, I write so that way I can get out what I'm feeling so I can look at it, observe it, and accept it for what it is.

Still MIA

So, slowly but surely I'm getting healthier. My body is sure taking its precious time. I'm going to spare you any details, and I don't want to disclose any of it on the internet. Hopefully soon it will get better. And I have to give props to Cory for not laughing at me through all of this, instead, being there for me and helping me with whatever I need. And my kittens, especially Lovin' Spoonful, have never left my side.

But this sickness has taught me some stuff. Usually when I'm sick is when I actually listen to what I'm being taught because I don't want to go through it again. My plan is to eat a salad once a day, and lots more water. I've been really good with the water. I've drank about 64 oz today, along with some Gatoraid. Tomorrow after class I'll go buy some salad and some dressing. I think that I should pretty much always be able to do it for lunch. Maybe, my hopes, will also help me lose some weight. I do like my body the way it is, but I also know it's not healthy. I'm not terribly overweight, and with my height, you don't tell how bad it is. Hopefully all of this will work with me.

You know what I love about being sick. No, not having to go to school. Actually, that's what I hate the most because I hate being behind. And in college the teachers don't pity you. It just makes you less of a good student. I love taking a shower. I feel like I'm washing off the sickness. Especially my face. I've always had a small problem with acne. It used to be a lot worse, but as I've gotten older and learned to take care of my skin, it's gotten better. Little bits of it have always stayed though. So whenever I'm sick and don't have the energy to shower as regularly as I normally do, washing my face just feels perfect. Feeling my pores flushed with clean water and having all that gunk washer out of it, it's a feeling that nothing else compares to. Shaving, too, is another great feeling. I don't know why, but those are little things that just make me feel better, even if I'm not.

Another thing I like is that I can catch up on movies and TV shows. I've been able to watch "The Other Boleyn Girl" and "The Bucket List," two movies I've never seen, along with many others I've seen many times. I've also almost completed the "Sailor Moon S" series and then all I'll have left is "Sailor Moon Supers" and "Sailor Stars." I can't wait. I feel a little nerdy trying to figure it all out and how I get annoyed and stuff, but I've done really good at not peaking ahead or looking up on the internet what happens next. I've very proud of myself.

Well, I'm sorry my sick life isn't as entertaining as what normally goes on, but when all you do is sleep 85% of the time, not much goes on. Maybe there will be more tomorrow, or later in the week as I hopefully get better.

Sorry About No Posts

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't posted recently. I've been under the weather. Hopefully I'll be well enough to post something tomorrow. I miss you all.

Cuss Clusters and Sweet Revenge

My roommate hasn't always brought out the worst in me. When she first moved in, I didn't really have any problems with her. She cleaned a lot, which I only found offensive when the first thing she did was clean the kitchen I had just finished cleaning. It was in December that she started to rub me the wrong way, but we had an entire six weeks apart. At the end of those six weeks, when she returned from wherever she was, was when she began to fully and completely annoy me, and slowly bring a side out of me that I had no clue existed.

We she returned that night in January, she arrived with 4 of her friends. Her friends are what originally brought out the bad in her. She knocked on my bedroom door and told me that for Christmas she had gotten a dog and that I was going to have to make sure my kittens stayed in my room. I'm sorry, but you want me to keep two 9 month old playful kittens locked away in a 10'x9' bedroom? No. Then she told me I needed to clean my dishes in the sink because her and her friends were going to cook. Cory and I had just sat down for dinner, it's not time for dishes just yet sweetheart.

She only got worse. She hasn't been working since December, and she's only taking 12 hours so she spends a lot of the daytime hours at home, with the door open so her dog has free range. Since my classes get out around 12 every day, by the time I get back, it's too late to let the kittens out. She does mini loads of laundry every day, making it very hard for me to do laundry when I need to. And despite the fact that when she leaves her load of laundry in the washer and I put it in the dryer, she does not do the same for me. Instead, she puts in on the floor forcing me to wash it again.

It finally got to a point to where I spoke up. She was playing her bass way too loud. It was like that car that you hear coming from 5 miles away and rattles your car as you wait for the light to turn green. I knocked on her door and asked her to turn it down. Sure, it was 11 in the morning, but I was trying to sleep after class. She did for a little while, but an hour later, it was even louder than where it originally was. That night, she had friends over where they partied it up until 2 AM. I understand people want to party, but she does not live alone in this apartment and I do not appreciate her and her drunk ass friends banging on the counters (I'm not sure why you would do it, but they do it a lot), laughing, and playing music while I am trying to sleep. On this particular night, I had work the next morning at 10 and I was not happy about my poor nights sleep. That night, before her and her friends went to the club, I asked her that if they returned that night, to please be quitter. For my sake they were, but that was the last bit of niceness I got from her. And it was the last she got from me.

The next Thursday night, she and her friends went out to the club and got drunk. They returned only to get more drunk. This is when a side of me that has never existed reared it's ugly head. My roommate is African American. I have never said a racist remark about any race ever before. I was raised better than that. That night though, they were being the stereotypical black people and words that have never been uttered were whispered very angrily to Cory about how they were being disrespectful and rude and cuss cluster after cuss cluster.

The next day was when I got my revenge. Our breaker box is in a room that isn't being rented, so technically it's supposed to be locked. However, our power has a tendency of going out, so maintenance allowed us to keep it unlocked. This was nice since our power went out twice and we didn't have to wait for them to turn it back on. But then I discovered that her friends were using it to sleep in and keep their pets in and other random things. So one day while passing by, I locked it with her stuff still in it. When she asked me if I had done it, I lied. Why would I do it?

Well, shortly afterward was the couple days of snow where I stayed at Cory's. One day when I came over to grab some more clothes, I found the door unlocked. I'm not sure how it happened, but it did. This time there was more in there, including what looked like a very expensive Victoria's Secret bra. Again, the door just happened to lock, and this time it was impossible to blame me because I hadn't been there in over a week.

Well, today while cleaning, I went to the fridge to grab some water. I noticed there was less food in the fridge. Less of my food and less of my Tupperware. She has decided to go home this weekend, so it just happened that while moving stuff around, I accidentally dropped one of her shot glasses. And when she put my dishes away, she just shoved them in my cupboards, so I will just do the same.

I know I was taught to be the bigger person, but when I was the bigger person, I was a mad person. So I will not get mad, I'm just going to get even.

Is the End Near?

It's funny how random things can upset a person. Now, I know any guy reading this is not going to be able to understand my point of view in this particular situation, he's only going to understand if his girlfriend/wife/mother has gone through something similar. However, there are little things in all of our lives that randomly happen that just make us upset.

My parents are coming to visit tomorrow. Lots of preparation go into my parents coming here. The kittens have to be kept out of the kitchen and living room for at least a week. The laundry has to be done the night before. The kittens have to have a bath. The sheets need be changed, the room vacuumed, the bathroom scrubbed like never before. All of this in the 24 hours before they arrive. The reason, they're allergic to cats. I'm the random person in the family that is not allergic to them.

Usually when my parents come, we go out to eat, which is nice, but I'm tired of eating out, and Cory and I are eating out on Sunday for Valentine's Day anyways. It's cheaper, it's more intimate; it's just nicer, in my opinion, to have a home cooked meal. I had it all planned out too. My moms tortilla soup, chicken empandas, and tacos. I know, a lot of food, but it's for 4 people and I want to make sure everyone has something they like.

Well, I asked my dad is he would spot me the money for it, because he always said to ask him when it came to gas and groceries and other essentials. Well, this falls in those category. I sent him a text before my Psych class. When I got out, he replied: "Why don't we just go out?" My heart dropped. I had thought out a nice meal. I had plans. I had my Saturday all planned out around preparing and cooking the food for it. And he wants to eat out? He wanted to eat fake food from a restaurant when I wanted to make real food, good food, just for them.

Yes, I was offended. I even teared up a little. I don't know why. For those of you who like to blame every single female reaction on PMS, no, I am not PMS-ing so don't even think it. It hurt that my dad didn't want to have me make a meal. He would rather spend money to pay to take 4 people out to eat (even though Cory and I would offer to pay for ourselves) and spend the same amount of money when the food I make would be tastier, healthier, and actually cheaper because there would definitely be leftovers.

To top it off, my niece won't be coming after all. This is one thing that really pisses me off. She's at the age where she would rather be with friends than with family, and because he mother is a pathetic excuse for a mother, she's allowed to do whatever she wants. When I first mentioned the idea to here, she was really excited. We haven't seen each other since December. Then, last night, after all the details had been worked out on my parents side, and I was asking her if her mom had talked to her at all about it, she had made other plans. I don't think she understands how that was wrong, but I really shouldn't be surprised. She's the "popular" girl at school who's life is always going wrong. She's allowed to do whatever, wear whatever, go wherever. And it's quite sad. I now don't know the next time I will be able to see her. She thinks that I can drop my life here and go home whenever I want, because she pretty much has the same ability. But I can't. Every trip home is planned months in advance, just as my parents trips here are. I have responsibilities that she doesn't have. But she doesn't see it because she hasn't had proper upbringing.

I really hope today is the end of this hell-week-and-a-half.

Religious vs. Irreligious

Disclaimer: I am an agnostic. I am not forcing my beliefs down your throat in this post. I have no problem with humanity and the various gods they worship. You believe what you believe, I believe what I believe. I am simply talking about a situation in which I was offended by someone and their religious beliefs because they do not accept the fact that I have the same beliefs that they do.

My boyfriend and him roommate, Tiny, rent a townhouse. They have allowed Tiny's brother, Zach, to live with them temporarily. I have no clue how long temporary is because he's been here since November. Zach is religious. I'm not sure what religion, but he has a lot of the basic beliefs, and some that I believe are extremes to the basic, but I could always be wrong. He believes in no sex before marriage. He also believes masturbation is wrong, he won't look at porn, he won't go to a strip club; nothing sexual. He refers to himself as the "Son of God". He believes in the Armageddon (he is, as we speak, watching a documentary about it and how people who believe they will survive it are stupid, and for that reason will not survive; however, because he doesn't believe he will survive, this will allow him to survive). He thinks cats are the devils pet (Cory and I have two).

He has a couple other things that make him a little different. He's easily 6' 9" and awkwardly proportioned. He listens to Irish classical music. And, my personal favorite even though it annoys the shit out of me when he does it to me, is he will talk like Dobby from "Harry Potter" for hours on end in normal, everyday conversation.

Now, I accept all of this. When he does something that's more religious than not, I simply turn the other cheek and not let it bother me. Until today. Today, I was called a whore by this "Son of God".

The way I see it is, if God/god is really going to send me to hell/purgatory/any other hell-like place, then he's going to send me. If I want to participate in whatever sacrilegious movement, then I can and I will face the consequences at judgment day. What gives you (in this case, Zach) the right to judge me because I can care less that I have sex before marriage? I understand that he doesn't agree with it, but you know what, I don't shove it in his face. It's not like we had sex on his bed, or the stairs, or the living room, or any other public place where he has to walk, sit, live in, etc. We had it in Cory's bedroom. We were not loud about it. There wasn't screaming and sex toys and the whole dominatrix thing going on. It was making love, which my parents have always told me is a very beautiful thing and it is even more beautiful when you really REALLY are in love.

Now he didn't say it flat out to my face, which actually kind of annoys me more. If you think I'm a whore or anything else, I'd really rather you tell me to my face because when you say it behind my back, nothing is accomplished. He said it under his breath while I was leaving. He asked me if Cory was here and I told him he was already at work, which was when he mumbled under his breath, "Then why are you here, whore?" The same could be asked of him, minus the whore. He has a job, he can get his own apartment. Or even, his dad lives here, and his dad is more religious than anyone in this house and his beliefs would probably be more respected there. But simply put, he is here for the same reason I am. Tiny said Zach could stay here; Cory said I could stay here. Zach doesn't pay rent here, neither do I. I at least make food for the household.

I counterbalanced Zach's remark that he thought was silent with, "Because I have a key," and left to do my grocery shopping. Simply put, I understand people out there have different beliefs than I do. There are even people that have the same beliefs but are slightly altered. I don't care. I'm not going to base my opinion of you off of that, and I'm not going to change you to make another me. But do not try and make me another you.