A lot of people have asked me why I switched from psychology to art. I'm not going to lie, it is a big switch, and it wasn't an easy. Most of the time, I just answer that I have more a love for art, or it's easier, or I want to impact people in a different way. They're all true, aside for the fact that it's easier. I find my art classes take up more of my time and I can't just BS it, it all has to be true and real. But it's not the reason.
Do you want to know the real reason why I wanted to switch? Why I abandoned the plan that would have me graduating this December? Why I still watch certain shows with extreme passion because I know that that could have been me? One day, I woke up. I had my then boyfriends arms around me while he's sleeping soundly, our kittens curled up at our feet, the sunshine coming through the window. Life was perfect and happy; it was blissful. I got to thinking how I wanted to be a criminal profiler. Yeah, I wanted to chase after the craziest of crazies. Then I thought of all of the statistics I've learned about those people. Divorced or no marriage, children abandon them as soon as they can, and they die alone. It was a morbid thought that brought my very blissful morning to a halt.
I was going to die alone. That was the last thing that I have ever wanted. I always wanted to be the soccer mom, have the house that all the kids wanted to come to, have a sweet husband who brought me flowers randomly because he wanted to. I guess you can say I wanted the American Dream: 2.5 kids, white picket fence, 2 income family, and retire in Bora Bora nice and happy. Okay, yeah, that last part isn't part of the American Dream, but it is part of mine. I realized after about 45 minutes of thinking that to have one dream, I have to give up the other.
I had to figure out what dream was more important. It wasn't easy, there were, and still are, pros to both. I could go and catch the sick bastards that commit these horrendous crimes. It would also provide me with the capabilities to read people so if I lasted in a family long enough to see my daughters first boyfriend, I could know his true intentions, along with other people in my life. I would be making the would better for everyone else, while slowly self-destructing my own. Or, there's the other side. I could have the dream that I had been having for 19 years (because I was 19 at the time). To have a dream for 19 years is a long time. I wasn't about to see it get away. And that is why I changed my mind.
16 June 2011
14 June 2011
Tracy Anderson is My Hero
So today is my second day of restarting my Tracy Anderson workout and I remember why I liked it so much the first time. I don't know what it is about this routine, but it really does make me feel so positive before, during and after. I get excited right before I workout. I'll turn on the DVD for about 20 minutes before and listen to the music and it gets me so pumped up. During the workout, I feel the muscles it's working, and they're all muscles that I want worked, and it makes me want to push harder to get the results I want. And afterwards, I know that I did such a great thing for myself, that it makes me want more.
The first time I did this, about two months ago, I could only do 10 reps the first couple days. This time, I was able to do 20 and I think tomorrow I'm going to try 30, or at least 25. Some of them really do kill me, but I know that the more I sweat, and the more I push through, the more results I'm going to see. I can already feel my abs, underneath some fat, start to firm up. And I know that with the cardio workouts, the fat is going to melt away. I think tomorrow I should be able to do both cardios, and not just one. I'm so happy that I'm already making progress with it and I hope that it works. If anything, it's a confidence booster.
I really believe in the Tracy Anderson workouts and I suggest them to everyone that wants to get in shape. Reading her book really helped me feel good about starting, and even though I'm not doing her eating regiment, I love it. This is really going to shape the new me, literally.
The first time I did this, about two months ago, I could only do 10 reps the first couple days. This time, I was able to do 20 and I think tomorrow I'm going to try 30, or at least 25. Some of them really do kill me, but I know that the more I sweat, and the more I push through, the more results I'm going to see. I can already feel my abs, underneath some fat, start to firm up. And I know that with the cardio workouts, the fat is going to melt away. I think tomorrow I should be able to do both cardios, and not just one. I'm so happy that I'm already making progress with it and I hope that it works. If anything, it's a confidence booster.
I really believe in the Tracy Anderson workouts and I suggest them to everyone that wants to get in shape. Reading her book really helped me feel good about starting, and even though I'm not doing her eating regiment, I love it. This is really going to shape the new me, literally.
12 June 2011
The Next Chapter
I've never been "the skinny girl" or even the average weight. It's never really bothered me. Yeah, sometimes it hurt when I was shopping and the store didn't have my size, or when someone would make a comment about it. But I've always been taught to love myself.
That being said, I realize that weight is a big part of health, and the more you weigh, the less healthy you are. So I have started Weight Watchers. I was very apprehensive about starting it. With a lot of diet plans, when you stop eating their food, you gain all of your weight back. Luckily, Weight Watchers doesn't require you eat only certain foods. In fact, you can technically eat anything. And I love it. Usually I have an idea of what I would like for dinner, so I'll go and see how many points it is and I will work the rest of my day around that. And I like that it really makes me think about how many fruits and vegetables and water that I have a day. I've never been big on them, but they cost me 0 points, and they are pretty filling. I do feel a little like a rabbit having fruits at breakfast and lunch and salads at lunch and dinner, but I know that it's good for me.
I've already seen improvements. It's been one week. I had my first official weigh in today. I've been weighing myself every day, but the official one was today. This first week, I lost 8 pounds. I know it's going to be less and less from here on out, but it felt good looking at the scale and not seeing the number I've seen the past 3 months. Now I am just 6 pounds away from my first goal weight and 71 pounds away from my final goal weight.
Tomorrow I'll start my work out regiment. It's the same Tracy Anderson that I was doing before my life turned upside down. It worked so well last time. Last time, I immediately started feeling things tighten up, and I only did it for a week before stopping. I know that if I stick with it, I will see results. I'm more excited to see inches go away over pounds going away. The inches going away means that my body is tight and fit. With only losing weight, your skin will be flabby and it won't be firm. I don't want that. I want to remain looking youthful.
One thing that makes me a little sad, losing my girls. They are one thing that I really have learned to embrace. I know how to dress around them when I'm looking for a certain style and they are very much a part of me. I know it sounds funny and weird, but it's just something. Now, I have been told by my mother that they will always be more voluptuous thanks to certain genes, but until I get there, I just won't know.
It's just all part of my new life, which is going quite well I might add. At first, it was a little shaky. There were a lot of maintenance issues that needed to be dealt with (and I'm still finding some), but all but one of the big issues has been taken care of, along with some little ones. Me and my mom had a nice day shopping buying some decorations for the house. My bedroom is perfect. Aside from in the future buying the dresser and nightstand that match, my room does not need any kind of change. I love it. It has this nice French theme to it and I have a lovely comforter that's the colors that I wanted (purple and gray) and it just kind of fell together. My living room needs a couple more small pieces. There's a decorative lamp at Kirklands that I want, and then one wall still needs one or two pieces, I'm just not sure what. My kitchen could use a little color. If after a few months I decide that I'll want to live out the rest of my college days here, I might paint it a soft color to help that. But it's too small of a place to put a lot of decorations without making it look smaller. My breakfast nook is the room that needs the most. It's my pop culture corner, and right now all I have is my Beatles poster and this really awesome glitter/mirror guitar and a really small painting of mine. But over time, I will collect pictures and poster and other awesome blingy things for it. It really is me. And I am happy with it.
I am slowly starting the job hunt. I am getting bored spending my days going back and forth between watching TV and playing Sims on the computer. Adding in exercise will help that a little bit, but I need social interaction. As much as I'm sure my mom loves it, I find myself calling her even when I have nothing to talk about. I've applied at one place online, and I'll go and see what other place require that you do it online. I find it really annoying when you go to a place and they tell you "Yes, we're hiring, but it's online." I think if a place is hiring, then they should be able to hand you a piece of paper. If you're not, then sure, keep it online, but I think it would benefit them more to have them in hand if they need to hire someone quickly. But I do need a job. I need money to buy stuff for my pop culture corner and my future dresser and nightstand.
All in all, I am happy right now. I'm happier than I've ever been. I feel it more and more every day. I'm really excited to see what happens while I'm in this stage of my life.
That being said, I realize that weight is a big part of health, and the more you weigh, the less healthy you are. So I have started Weight Watchers. I was very apprehensive about starting it. With a lot of diet plans, when you stop eating their food, you gain all of your weight back. Luckily, Weight Watchers doesn't require you eat only certain foods. In fact, you can technically eat anything. And I love it. Usually I have an idea of what I would like for dinner, so I'll go and see how many points it is and I will work the rest of my day around that. And I like that it really makes me think about how many fruits and vegetables and water that I have a day. I've never been big on them, but they cost me 0 points, and they are pretty filling. I do feel a little like a rabbit having fruits at breakfast and lunch and salads at lunch and dinner, but I know that it's good for me.
I've already seen improvements. It's been one week. I had my first official weigh in today. I've been weighing myself every day, but the official one was today. This first week, I lost 8 pounds. I know it's going to be less and less from here on out, but it felt good looking at the scale and not seeing the number I've seen the past 3 months. Now I am just 6 pounds away from my first goal weight and 71 pounds away from my final goal weight.
Tomorrow I'll start my work out regiment. It's the same Tracy Anderson that I was doing before my life turned upside down. It worked so well last time. Last time, I immediately started feeling things tighten up, and I only did it for a week before stopping. I know that if I stick with it, I will see results. I'm more excited to see inches go away over pounds going away. The inches going away means that my body is tight and fit. With only losing weight, your skin will be flabby and it won't be firm. I don't want that. I want to remain looking youthful.
One thing that makes me a little sad, losing my girls. They are one thing that I really have learned to embrace. I know how to dress around them when I'm looking for a certain style and they are very much a part of me. I know it sounds funny and weird, but it's just something. Now, I have been told by my mother that they will always be more voluptuous thanks to certain genes, but until I get there, I just won't know.
It's just all part of my new life, which is going quite well I might add. At first, it was a little shaky. There were a lot of maintenance issues that needed to be dealt with (and I'm still finding some), but all but one of the big issues has been taken care of, along with some little ones. Me and my mom had a nice day shopping buying some decorations for the house. My bedroom is perfect. Aside from in the future buying the dresser and nightstand that match, my room does not need any kind of change. I love it. It has this nice French theme to it and I have a lovely comforter that's the colors that I wanted (purple and gray) and it just kind of fell together. My living room needs a couple more small pieces. There's a decorative lamp at Kirklands that I want, and then one wall still needs one or two pieces, I'm just not sure what. My kitchen could use a little color. If after a few months I decide that I'll want to live out the rest of my college days here, I might paint it a soft color to help that. But it's too small of a place to put a lot of decorations without making it look smaller. My breakfast nook is the room that needs the most. It's my pop culture corner, and right now all I have is my Beatles poster and this really awesome glitter/mirror guitar and a really small painting of mine. But over time, I will collect pictures and poster and other awesome blingy things for it. It really is me. And I am happy with it.
I am slowly starting the job hunt. I am getting bored spending my days going back and forth between watching TV and playing Sims on the computer. Adding in exercise will help that a little bit, but I need social interaction. As much as I'm sure my mom loves it, I find myself calling her even when I have nothing to talk about. I've applied at one place online, and I'll go and see what other place require that you do it online. I find it really annoying when you go to a place and they tell you "Yes, we're hiring, but it's online." I think if a place is hiring, then they should be able to hand you a piece of paper. If you're not, then sure, keep it online, but I think it would benefit them more to have them in hand if they need to hire someone quickly. But I do need a job. I need money to buy stuff for my pop culture corner and my future dresser and nightstand.
All in all, I am happy right now. I'm happier than I've ever been. I feel it more and more every day. I'm really excited to see what happens while I'm in this stage of my life.
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