So most people see it as a weakness to go and tell someone about your problems, and I do believe that. However, I do believe that there are some instances in which you must tell people that you are having and issue with something. Today, I grew up a little.
So lately, well, all semester, Ethics has been kicking my ass. I mean, I'm averaging a 70, but in my opinion, it's been luck. Today was the midterm. I woke up panicked before I was supposed to wake up. I took my shower, the entire time trying to figure stuff out. When I was done drying my hair, I called my mom telling her I wasn't sure of what to do. It turned into a bit of a fight. I wish she would understand that 15 hours is too many, that I just can't do it. Even when I wasn't working, it was too much. Well, I decided that I would go talk to the professor about it. Yes, I know it's the day of the midterm and I've never talked to her about problems with the class before, and that this probably looked really desperate, but I had to at least figure where I stand.
She pulled up my grades and showed that I had an average of 70 so she couldn't figure out why I was worried. Well lets see, because I need to do better so that way I don't end up back home, because it is only a 70 and one wrong move could move that into the 60s and where would I be then, because you never really explained how to write a philosophical essay and originally told us it would only be one essay and now it's two essays. There are countless because statements. But she finished the statement for me by saying that if I was really worried about the exam, then she would postpone it. She said that she could tell it really was worrying me and that I was scared and that it would be ethically wrong for her to do this; that if I really was worried, then there was a good reason on why I was worried. She gave me until next Monday and I can come in anytime in between. I wanted to hug her, it was amazing.
I mean, it's going to put a little more pressure on me because I also have to study for two tests next week, but one review I won't get until Friday and if I start studying Wednesday, then I'll be good. And the second text I have next Wednesday, so I'll probably start studying for that tomorrow or Wednesday. Those two will be easier because the questions correlate with the books.
As for my parents, I go home this weekend and this will be discussed. But I already have planned on what I will tell them. If they tell me that I have to move back home next year, they are sorely mistaken. I will find a way to support myself. It would be worse for me to go home. I have no friends there, there's no way I could live with my parents, and it would have a higher chance of aspiring me to drop school completely. If they want me to quit my job, then they will have to find a way to be able to fully monetarily support me the way I am now. Also, I am more structured when I am working because when I'm not working, I always have the mentality that I can do it later. When I'm working and I know that I also have to this, that and the other, I live a more structured life. I plan on telling my parents that next semester I am not accepting the Carr scholarship. Next semester I'll be taking harder classes. 14 hours will be hard enough. If I have to have a minimum of 15 hours and there's a lab in there, that either means I'm taking 14 hours or 17. I will never push myself more than 15 until I feel stable enough. I know that I won't be able to even compromise when it comes to an apartment, although I believe living off campus would help because then I don't have to lobby to go sit in and interact with people. But if my parents want me in the dorms another year, I'll do it. I'll do anything not to go home, including financially supporting myself completely if I have to. I hope it doesn't get to that point though. But as for the scholarship, I'll just take out the loan myself. I would rather have to pay the money back than risk my sanity and future jobs and my GPA because I have to do something.
So really people, suck it up and talk to someone if you need to, if you see any signs that you are struggling. It's always best to be honest and you never know what you'll get.
29 March 2010
19 March 2010
The Learning Process
So, this is something that I don't believe college kids realize when they go off into the world and leave their parents behind: their parents develop a life without them. This isn't a bad thing, it's just that we don't realize it. I, as a college student, came to realize this when I learned that my mom was traveling to Wisconsin and I tried calling the house only to get the answering machine. Not only was my mom thousands of miles away, but my dad was away on a business trip.
My first thought was, what if I had really needed them, and they weren't there? What if I only had a chance to make one call and I wasted it on an answering machine that wouldn't be listened to for at least 24 hours. After that, my mind started working creatively. What if I was being held at gun point for my moms social security number and I only had five minutes to contact her to get it and save not only my life, but the life of all of my classmates (because I just happened to be in class when this happened)? And then the more morbid part of my brain kicked in. What if mom and dad were in a car accident and they're lying there slowly dying and I'm thinking about being held at gun point in a classroom because some random ass person is requesting my mothers social? What if dad had a heart attack while mom was at work and he can hear the phone ringing in the background but there's nothing he can do about it?
So now, I'm panicked! I call my moms cell; answering machine. Time for dad's cell; nothing. Call moms work; nope, nothing still. I tried the house again, and then moms cell again. Then I call my dad's cell again and he answers (thank God)! He informs me mom is on a plane and he just got out of a meeting. DUH Kelsey! Mom told you all of this last night.
When you move away, you are so oblivious to what goes on in your parents lives. Sure, for a little bit, your parents are getting used to you not being around; but the truth is, it's easier for them to adapt than it is for you. Chances are, you're in a new city, you don't know many (if any) people, you don't know where all the hot spots are. The only thing that changed for your parents is the fact that they have one less dish to clean at dinner time and the laundry becomes increasingly lighter.
I'm not saying your parents don't miss you. However, I am warning you, try not to have the same reaction I did when your parents miss a call or two (even though they always give you a hard time when you don't answer your phone).
My first thought was, what if I had really needed them, and they weren't there? What if I only had a chance to make one call and I wasted it on an answering machine that wouldn't be listened to for at least 24 hours. After that, my mind started working creatively. What if I was being held at gun point for my moms social security number and I only had five minutes to contact her to get it and save not only my life, but the life of all of my classmates (because I just happened to be in class when this happened)? And then the more morbid part of my brain kicked in. What if mom and dad were in a car accident and they're lying there slowly dying and I'm thinking about being held at gun point in a classroom because some random ass person is requesting my mothers social? What if dad had a heart attack while mom was at work and he can hear the phone ringing in the background but there's nothing he can do about it?
So now, I'm panicked! I call my moms cell; answering machine. Time for dad's cell; nothing. Call moms work; nope, nothing still. I tried the house again, and then moms cell again. Then I call my dad's cell again and he answers (thank God)! He informs me mom is on a plane and he just got out of a meeting. DUH Kelsey! Mom told you all of this last night.
When you move away, you are so oblivious to what goes on in your parents lives. Sure, for a little bit, your parents are getting used to you not being around; but the truth is, it's easier for them to adapt than it is for you. Chances are, you're in a new city, you don't know many (if any) people, you don't know where all the hot spots are. The only thing that changed for your parents is the fact that they have one less dish to clean at dinner time and the laundry becomes increasingly lighter.
I'm not saying your parents don't miss you. However, I am warning you, try not to have the same reaction I did when your parents miss a call or two (even though they always give you a hard time when you don't answer your phone).
01 March 2010
According to Plan
So today I start my new job. That's right, Kelsey Marie is no longer a baby-sitter. You have no clue how nice that is. Although, I have been warned that I'll probably hate this job too. What I'll be doing is activating credit cards, but I don't know much more past that. I guess I'll find out in training today.
But I have a plan. Since I'm a nursing major, it makes more sense for me to be working in a hospital. So, what I plan on doing is working at this place for a few months and then in late May or June, maybe even July, I'm going to start applying at hospitals for assistant nursing positions. I believe that would be beneficial.
I also need to start thinking about what classes I want to take this summer. Originally, Cory was going to go live with his brother and take classes in Missouri (or possibly Wyoming if his brother is moved) again. That was a little upsetting to me. But then yesterday out of nowhere, he starts talking about Howard College and how he has to find out info on it so he can double up on his studies over the summer. Howard College is here, in San Angelo. I believe I contained my happiness quite well, although I was very shocked because he said it so nonchalantly, so that probably helped me contain everything I was feeling. But I will only be taking 6 hours and then another 3 in the second session this summer. Cory is so dead set on graduating early. I'm not as much as I used to be. When I learned that I had to take 15 hours for a scholarship I had received and that I had done a lot of my basics in high school and summer school, I was actually frightened about graduating early. But the switch in majors had slowed down this process. The basics are a little different and I have to get my AASN first if I want to do some legit nursing before I get my Bachelor of Nursing. Now I know that I'll have to take a lot more classes to graduate close to the same time, but I don't feel as pressured anymore. If I had stayed a psych major, I would have been graduating in a year in a half, and now I have three years.
I have a government test here in a few minutes that I didn't study for. I meant to, I really did. But this class has no appeal factor to me. I'll study for the next couple tests we have in here. I'm not sure why I didn't study. I had ample time with Cory not being here. Ever since I quit the baby-sitting gig, I always believed that I could use all this extra time to study and whatnot, but it never happens that way. I'm always a more dedicated student when I'm working because I know that I have less time and I need to use the time I have wisely. I'm not saying that even now that I'm working again, I won't slack off every now and then, but it will be less likely.
So I guess we'll just have to see how the day goes and hope it goes according to plan.
But I have a plan. Since I'm a nursing major, it makes more sense for me to be working in a hospital. So, what I plan on doing is working at this place for a few months and then in late May or June, maybe even July, I'm going to start applying at hospitals for assistant nursing positions. I believe that would be beneficial.
I also need to start thinking about what classes I want to take this summer. Originally, Cory was going to go live with his brother and take classes in Missouri (or possibly Wyoming if his brother is moved) again. That was a little upsetting to me. But then yesterday out of nowhere, he starts talking about Howard College and how he has to find out info on it so he can double up on his studies over the summer. Howard College is here, in San Angelo. I believe I contained my happiness quite well, although I was very shocked because he said it so nonchalantly, so that probably helped me contain everything I was feeling. But I will only be taking 6 hours and then another 3 in the second session this summer. Cory is so dead set on graduating early. I'm not as much as I used to be. When I learned that I had to take 15 hours for a scholarship I had received and that I had done a lot of my basics in high school and summer school, I was actually frightened about graduating early. But the switch in majors had slowed down this process. The basics are a little different and I have to get my AASN first if I want to do some legit nursing before I get my Bachelor of Nursing. Now I know that I'll have to take a lot more classes to graduate close to the same time, but I don't feel as pressured anymore. If I had stayed a psych major, I would have been graduating in a year in a half, and now I have three years.
I have a government test here in a few minutes that I didn't study for. I meant to, I really did. But this class has no appeal factor to me. I'll study for the next couple tests we have in here. I'm not sure why I didn't study. I had ample time with Cory not being here. Ever since I quit the baby-sitting gig, I always believed that I could use all this extra time to study and whatnot, but it never happens that way. I'm always a more dedicated student when I'm working because I know that I have less time and I need to use the time I have wisely. I'm not saying that even now that I'm working again, I won't slack off every now and then, but it will be less likely.
So I guess we'll just have to see how the day goes and hope it goes according to plan.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)