I will start off properly wishing everyone a Happy Christmas and I hope you are enjoying it. If you do not celebrate Christmas, please don't take that offensively, I mean nothing mean by it. I should say that I had a nice Christmas. For once, the ENTIRE family wasn't here, and although I love my family, it's nice not having everyone here in this small house and I end up losing my bed and have to sleep on the futon in the cold office with at least two dogs and my niece who kicks and punches in her sleep. I love smaller gatherings, always have. When I party, I don't want to go to a frat party; I would rather get together at an apartment with a few friends. When I marry, I plan on having a small wedding, immediate family and friends; I really don't want to have to invite the fourth cousin six times removed. This year, it was my parents, my brother and sister-in-law with their three dogs, and me, plus the family dogs. It made the whole opening presents part of the night and go by rather fast. And although there was a lack of help, I somehow managed to not help do the dishes after dinner.
I guess the worst part of the night was mass. I still have yet to find a religion that I believe, so I feel rather guilty when I don't participate in mass when I go once a year. It was longer than I remembered, there were plenty of children crying, and of course there is the cycle of sitting, standing, and kneeling. It's just not something that I want to carry forth in my life. Another downer of the night was all of the dogs. As much as I love dogs, our dogs and my brother and sister-in-laws dogs do not get along and it is quite frustrating. I saw a side of my Jersey that I had never seen before. This dog is sweet, never really barks, shies away from everything, just wants love. However, when Lady Bird would come around, Jersey would growl. Even this morning before they left, Jersey barred her teeth and looked quite fierce. This is something I, or anyone else, had ever seen. Then of course Roscoe doesn't really like anyone unless he feels like it and Duke has problems with his hind legs and doesn't like to share anyone's attention. And my Ella, well, she's the oldest of the dogs and just wants to lay with someone, she doesn't want to play. So their contrasting personalities made the night interesting.
With distance still separating Cory and I, we had our Christmas over the phone and we will have to exchange gifts and love later. Although it sounds cliche, he is the only gift I need and I am truly blessed for everything he gives me. He makes me feel so special. He tells me he treats me how I make him feel, but there's no way I make him feel this good. I really do love him and I don't ever want to be without him. We are similar in many ways, but different in enough ways. We go.
The big surprise of the day was the snow. On Wednesday, it was almost 80 degrees, but when I woke up on Thursday, it was 36 degrees and only going to get colder. I had to go out to pick up some last things and driving across town and back was quite scary. When I left the house, it was raining and as I made my way onto the highway and into the surrounding cities, it turned into sleet and then snow. It never snows in this part of Texas, let alone on Christmas Eve. It was quite amazing.
I don't really have any important message, except maybe to enjoy the time you have today. Happy Christmas/Holidays.
25 December 2009
19 December 2009
Haunting Present
I can't say I didn't think it would happen. I'm not stupid, I know people change. But is it okay to say that I didn't think she would fall so quickly? I always knew she never go to far past college; despite the fact that she was determined when we were in elementary, and even intermediate school. However, in Jr. High, that's when I started to realize that she never really would go anywhere, no matter how determined she was. It was then she started to want to not be what everyone else wanted of her, including what she wanted of herself.
Last night, I saw this change I always knew would happen. I had seen hints of it before, but last night, it came out full throttle. She first started talking about how she 40 hours of work this week, but she was only going to tell her roommate that she had 20 so she wouldn't have to pay the full half of her rent; she would rather buy something new for herself because she hadn't bought herself something in a long time. Then, she kept wanting to get some jäger to drink. I understand we're college students, but do we have to drink all the time? No. And then, this is when I really started to get annoyed, she heard about a party in a not to safe part of town and get drunk. Drinking to get drunk is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, especially from a well educated, young woman. I had lost all faith. When she asked if I wanted to go, I told her no. I only wanted to get together with her and have a girls night, just like old times. I was okay if she wanted to have a drink or two, but I was not about to go to a party where I knew no one in a town where I don't feel safe, and then to get drunk, this was not what I was looking for. I told her she could go if she wanted, but I would just go home. I could tell she was pissed. This was not my friend. It has been ages since I called her my best friend, but now I don't think I could call her a friend.
What pushed me to the edge when she started talking about getting high. If you know anything about me, you know I have no tolerance for drugs. I've seen firsthand what it does to a family and what it does to a friendship; I've lost two relationships that I could care less if I regained because they were stupid enough to do drugs. My friend knows this, she was there when I went through these problems with those two other people. And yet she has the nerve to tell me that she wants to get high. When I told her this was stupid and not to get involved in it, she said that she had done it before. I asked when and she listed five times that she could remember, and I could tell it was a lie. She was not my friend anymore, and I had to spend the night on her couch.
I know I can't change her, but I won't let her change me. This is not a friendship that I will care too much to lose. We had 11 years of friendship. I will let college and work and distance separate us and I will be okay with it.
Last night, I saw this change I always knew would happen. I had seen hints of it before, but last night, it came out full throttle. She first started talking about how she 40 hours of work this week, but she was only going to tell her roommate that she had 20 so she wouldn't have to pay the full half of her rent; she would rather buy something new for herself because she hadn't bought herself something in a long time. Then, she kept wanting to get some jäger to drink. I understand we're college students, but do we have to drink all the time? No. And then, this is when I really started to get annoyed, she heard about a party in a not to safe part of town and get drunk. Drinking to get drunk is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, especially from a well educated, young woman. I had lost all faith. When she asked if I wanted to go, I told her no. I only wanted to get together with her and have a girls night, just like old times. I was okay if she wanted to have a drink or two, but I was not about to go to a party where I knew no one in a town where I don't feel safe, and then to get drunk, this was not what I was looking for. I told her she could go if she wanted, but I would just go home. I could tell she was pissed. This was not my friend. It has been ages since I called her my best friend, but now I don't think I could call her a friend.
What pushed me to the edge when she started talking about getting high. If you know anything about me, you know I have no tolerance for drugs. I've seen firsthand what it does to a family and what it does to a friendship; I've lost two relationships that I could care less if I regained because they were stupid enough to do drugs. My friend knows this, she was there when I went through these problems with those two other people. And yet she has the nerve to tell me that she wants to get high. When I told her this was stupid and not to get involved in it, she said that she had done it before. I asked when and she listed five times that she could remember, and I could tell it was a lie. She was not my friend anymore, and I had to spend the night on her couch.
I know I can't change her, but I won't let her change me. This is not a friendship that I will care too much to lose. We had 11 years of friendship. I will let college and work and distance separate us and I will be okay with it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)