Today I'm sitting in Motivation waiting for class to start. I sit next to two girls who somewhat know each other from other classes in the past. Both of them are 20, almost 21, and one of them is married. I was listening to them talk, like I usually do, because despite the fact they're older than me, they act like girls that remind me of high school. The married girl out of the two was talking about how she was staying with her mother and that everyone was being understanding. At first I really wasn't sure what she was meaning by all of this. The second girl replied back with, "I'm sorry, if you need anything, just let me know. You can always stay with me and (insert name of boyfriend)." It was here that I began to realize more of what the girl was talking about because she told her thank you, but that she didn't want to really be around couples right now. Then I noticed that she wasn't wearing her wedding ring, a beautiful antique ring that I have been jealous of since the first time I saw it. Then it was all clear, they were getting a divorce.
Now, I'm not going to say that she deserves a divorce, but she really did set her self up for it. She got married when she was 18 years old, she hadn't even graduated high school yet. Luckily, there are no children involved, but this just proves a lot about it, and I wish that I had had this situation available to me when I did a research paper over marriage and divorce rates and arranged marriage and divorce rates.
I used to be like this girl. I wanted to be married early and have one of those wonderful marriages where by the time we die, we've been married for 90 years. The older I have gotten, the more and more I have come to realize this is far from what I want. I guess the mishaps that have happened with Cory and I are probably a good indicator why, but there are two specific reasons other than that.
Reason #1: This is probably the smaller of the two, but it really does make me realize certain things. My best friend, Sam, recently got engaged, pregnant, and married. She's 20, and she was actually 19 when she got married. Now, they were engaged before they found out she was pregnant. Well, she knew that he was buying the ring. They've been dating for a years and a half. I would date longer, but okay, I can accept it. Then it was discovered they were going to have a baby; they married 5 months later. The reasoning, he is Catholic and is doing the right thing. I was raised Catholic, so I know that this is religiously correct, however, this isn't the 60's anymore. They just set themselves up for a 6 year marriage and a nasty divorce due to the fact that they have a gorgeous baby boy. This will be one situation in which I never tell her what I actually think because 1) I don't want to fight, we spent two years not talking to each other and I don't want that again, and 2) She'll realize it IF it happens. Yes, I said "if". There is always a chance that they are the exception, not the rule.
Reason #2: This is the biggest reason of all. It is so big that it has not only shaped and reaffirmed how I feel about marriage and engagement, but how a lot of people I know feel. Cory and I have two friends who have been dating for 3 years, got engaged, and will be married on their 4 year anniversary. Now, in my opinion, they got engaged at the right point, although the guy wasn't exactly comfortable with this, which makes me not okay with it. They had just moved in with each other, which is a big enough step. Now, the even bigger problem with this is, the girl wants a huge wedding, and they are not in a position financially for this. They are pinching pennies like nobodies business all because she wants to be married on their anniversary. The guy, every time you mention it, looks sick. He's just not ready and the strain on money doesn't help. Is this really how you want to start a marriage? Sick and in the poor house? As much as I hate to say this, they are the rule, not the exception.
Now, these two things have completely made me change how I want my relationship with Cory to be. And they have made me a little sad because potentially five people I care about are going to get hurt in one of the worst ways possible: they will lose love. Well, four of them. The baby never will, but the adults in these two situations will be hurt.
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